This Day keeps inching closer in a flurry of time I refuse to accept. Much has changed since I first decided to tell you about this day and much has stayed the same. The silver in my hair has already started to shine through.
I wanted for you a sister.
I got one. I know physiologically that I had no say in this matter, but am convinced I willed two daughters into our lives. She is your opposite and also the other half of your whole. Cherish her, fight with her, challenge and love her. You never know when you will really need her.
Your father is still why I know so much happiness.
Your Papa told us before we got married that the love we had would change as we changed as people, as we went through things together, as we built a life. I didn’t believe I would ever feel any different kind of love for your father than the excited, delighted, and new love I felt for him then. Your Papa was right (notice how I didn’t say I was wrong). We are now eight years in and this past summer I felt like I fell in love with him all over again. This time it is a comfortable, knowing, and understanding love. We have both changed, because you never stop growing up. Your father sees my ability to fly and every day finds a way to fluff my wings and encourage me to do so. May you find someone to fluff your wings darling.
You challenge me.
You are a wordsmith. Your grasp of language at the age of six, keeps me on my toes. You have a dry wit that makes me laugh daily. We will debate and argue, I welcome your challenge of changing my perspective. I only hope it doesn’t keep you away from me.
I gained weight…
And I am ashamed. I am ashamed of a body that grew two humans. I am ashamed of a body that sits more than eight hours a day and wakes the next to carry two sleepy girls down the stairs to their breakfast. Ashamed of the body that you snuggle into and find comfort in, of the body my mother grew. There are many emotions I should attach to this incredible body of mine; shame is most certainly not one of them.
My job does not define me.
You will spend a copious amount of your teenaged years and those that follow deciding what you want to be when you grow up. Here is a little secret, you will never know. People get hung up on titles, they need to categorize, it’s natural and ok, and it is not who you are. Your job is a side bar, a foot note on what will ultimately be the sum of your life on this planet. If you forget this, life will remind you, this secretary guarantees it.
My hair is still the best style choice I ever made.
It lets me see the wrinkles, sun spots, and beauty of my ever increasing years.
I am chasing my dreams.
I don’t know where they are going, but I have finally decided to hold my head up high and run after them with all the energy I have. Now, I have a running partner, my sister (see what I meant about never knowing). I have faith in them now and have put work into them, instead of just wishing it would happen. I am excited to know if I caught them by the time This Day arrives.